I Am Hopeless

A family friend revealed that my dad had been going around labeling me hopeless.

His exact words, “Your dad may think you’re hopeless but I think I have your problem solved at least 49%”.

I wasn’t too sure about the solution he recommended, but what resonated was his first six words, “Your dad may think you’re hopeless..”

From daddy’s girl to the hopeless black sheep in the family. How does one come to that?

I could have kicked and screamed inside in indignation, but what hit me instead was the fact that he was right.

Everyone is entitled to their points of view, and he had one which was valid from his point of view.

I am:

1. Jobless – despite the fact that I was physically able and had a degree to back me up.

2. Lost – without a clear focus or direction on where I was headed. I pretty much appear to have my head in the clouds at this stage of my life.

3. Living with Parents – I should be able to afford myself by now, but its been a struggle just keeping up with the lifestyle I’d like to have and the inflation rates. (Did you notice price of flour hiked up over 60% from RM1.60 to RM2.60??)

4. Single and 27 – no grandkids in the midst for him to dote on.

Yes, he did have a point.

Again, everyone has their point of view. Fortunately, his point of view wasn’t mine.

Here’s the reason why I’m sharing this story …

I remembered something over the weekend. It may sound simple and idiotic, but bear with me please.

Do you realize how badly you can affect kids?

One simple remark, one light gesture and they absorb like sponges.

You may not realize, but they are observing and noticing everything around them. They are learning new to savour all their senses - sound, sights, taste, touch, smell. They have everything on alert. Everything is new and fresh to them.

A world of little butterflies and bunnies and rainbows and birds.

And yes, also a world of adults with whispered words or anger and rage.

They absorb everything.

Every positive and negative energy is embedded into them at their tender years. Every snide remark thrown or words of doubt.

Why are you so lazy?

You’re so clumsy! Why can’t you be more like your sister.

You’re so stupid!

Or in my case, hopeless? =)

My point is this. There may be things in your childhood that has affected you without realizing it.

My mom was slow and stupid (but I beg to differ, with evidence! =D), hence now, she is a woman who doubts her judgment. Almost all decisions are made by her husband .. right down to what to eat for dinner every night.

My dad is grumpy, angry, old and negative. And that I find to be true. But what I also found out, is that there is a reason he is that way. It stems from issues when he was a child – lack of love and support from the ones he needed from the most.

And how does this affect the next generation?

If not addressed, imagine these two individuals, carrying the burden and scars from childhood onto their children. One with deep self doubt, and one with rage from a world that wasn’t just.

Children absorb like sponges. How do you think their childhood would be like living under the care of people who have childhood issues themselves?

A vicious cycle? Perhaps.

And how do we play a role in all this?

Simple.

Are you caught in such a cycle?

Do you promise yourself never to be like your parents and end up, yes, just like them?

Simple, you can put a stop to all this nonsense.

Imagine if I believed what my dad said. I am hopeless. I’ll likely spiral into depression and believe I have no use and purpose in this world. If my own dad believed it, it must be true. Our parents knows us best after all. Where will this lead me? Probably start another vicious cycle and let it whirlwind into something big.

It starts and stops with you.

The people closest to you have the strongest effect on your emotions.

Choose the people who affect you wisely.

I have in recent months met so many amazing individuals with such positive energy. They reminded me that there is so much more to life - that we can do so much and give so much more.

I resigned in August 9^th 2007.

According to my dad, that was the worst thing I’ve done. I’m now hopeless.

For me, that was the best thing I’ve ever done in my 27 years.